The Perfect PlayDate

As seen in Triaminic's March 2006 Newsletter
Featuring Funplaydates.com

Years ago, kids could simply wander through the neighborhood and find a friend. Today, our children face new challenges in their play—from busy family schedules to safety concerns. But kids still need time to play with other kids. The solution: playdates. From parent-to-parent etiquette to kid control, here’s what you need to know to keep them fun and safe for everyone

Play used to be so simple, but the scene has changed.

"Growing up as one of six kids, we had built-in playtime. Now there's been a change in culture," says Michell Muldoon, who as president of FunPlayDates.Com has arranged hundreds of playdates for her daughter and others as well. "It's a real shocker when you realize as a parent that, in addition to everything else, you now have to arrange playtimes for your kids. It does require work, but it's critical to establish that connection." Here's what she and Lori Cooperstein, vice president of FunPlayDates.Com, suggest.

How to get started. "You can't just wait for people to get together," says Muldoon. "You have to make it happen."Locate the kids in your neighborhood, at the playground, among your family and friends. Check your local library or religious organization for kids' activities. Find out if your town has a moms' club where mothers meet to chat while their kids run around together.

First playdates. For small children and preschoolers, playdates generally involve the parents staying to talk while the kids play. Parents can help their kids get comfortable in other people's homes if they stay a while—so the kids don't suffer separation anxiety. Keep first playdates short (an hour or two) to accommodate busy schedules and naptimes, making it more likely to become a regular event.

Parent-to-parent etiquette. As in any social situation, good manners apply. Be clear on the length of the playdate. Be prompt on arrival and departure times. Let your child know in advance that he'll need to say thank you to his hosts when it's time to go, leaving without delay. Even if the guest parent isn't staying, invite her in, so she'll feel comfortable leaving her child in your home. Ask the guest parent's permission before serving snacks. Many moms don't want their kids eating fatty foods or drinking sugary beverages between meals. Serving fruit is usually well received.

Safety concerns. Leave the phone number where you can be reached. Discuss the child's allergies (bee stings, peanuts) or other medical concerns (diabetes). If you are hosting and the child gets hurt, call his parents immediately, then comfort and calm him. Keep a first-aid kit on hand. Let the kids know the safety rules from the start, and stick to them.

Parameters of play. "When setting up a playdate, one of the conversations that's common," says Muldoon, "concerns things like 'I hope my child can get some exercise and doesn't spend too much time on the computer or watching TV.'" If you're concerned about your child playing outside in an unfenced area, check on adult supervision. If the conditions at a host's house are unacceptable (excessive smoking, unruly older siblings), host the playdate yourself, or meet at a neutral place such as a playground.

Finding balance. One parent shouldn't feel overburdened in hosting all the playdates, while the other parent goes shopping. If you feel like an unpaid babysitter, politely ask the other parent to reciprocate by watching your child on occasion. While this is awkward, hopefully, you'll have established enough of a friendship to work it out.

Handling kid conflict. If your child is especially territorial about a special toy, it's best to put it away for the playdate. In general, though, play is how kids to learn to share. When you must intervene, listen to both sides, then decide what's fair for both. As the mother of twin daughters, Cooperstein found that inviting a friend for each daughter avoided one child being left out of a threesome. She encourages parents, when possible, to have groups of kids at playdates so that greater dynamics (leadership, negotiation) can occur.

Getting into the Play Zone
Because kids today so often rely on screen time for entertainment, they don't always know what to do when left to their own devices. To jump-start their imaginations and bodies into the zone of play, Muldoon and Cooperstein suggest the following:

1. Blowing bubbles. Kids of all ages love blowing bubbles. For extra fun, form a large wand with pipe cleaners, or cut out the center of a plastic container lid. Pour the bubble solution into a shallow pan, dip the wand, then have the children wave out giant bubbles.
2. A box of art supplies. Fill a plastic container with paper-towel tubes, glue sticks, sequins, safety scissors, Popsicle sticks, old greeting cards, markers, pipe cleaners, pompoms. "In a snap, you can occupy them with a crafts project," says Cooperstein. "Kids are so creative once you get them going."
3. Walking sticks. Have each child find and decorate a walking stick with paint, feathers, leaves, string, seashells, and other natural materials. Once the sticks are dry, take them out for a colorful parade.
4. Fashion show. Save your old dresses, shoes, coats, hats, ties, purses, and scarves in a dress-up box from which the kids can create elaborate outfits. Then stage a show of fun finery.

For more ideas, check out www.funplaydates.com.