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Dads Only - Imaginary Friends
My three-year-old daughter has an
imaginary friend named Maggie. She talks to her
all the time, draws with her, and "reads"
her favorite books to her. I even have to set
an extra place at the dinner table for Maggie
or my daughter won't eat.
Is this okay or should I be concerned
about my daughter's sanity?
Having imaginary playmates is a
pretty normal part of growing up--especially in
the toddler years--and they serve several important
functions:
- They can be wonderful companions
for pretend play, which is an important way
to stimulate creativity and imagination. Having
an invisible friend can make those long trips
to the moon or back in time a little less lonely.
- They can act as a child's trusted
confidant when there's no one else to tell their
secrets to. Even small children have issues
that are too private to tell us.
- They can help kids figure out
the difference between right and wrong. Kids
sometimes have a tough time stopping themselves
from doing things they know are wrong. Blaming
the imaginary friend for eating cookies before
dinner is often a sign that the child understands
right vs. wrong distinctions but isn't quite
ready to assume complete responsibility for
her actions.
- They can give you some valuable
insights into your child's feelings. Listening
to your child bravely comfort an invisible friend
who's about to get a shot may be a clue that
your child is more afraid than she's letting
on.
While it's generally perfectly
fine to humor your child and go along with her claims
about the existence of an imaginary friend, there
are a few ground rules:
- Don't let the "friend" be your
child's only companion. Kids need to socialize
with others their own ages. If your child seems
to have no other friends or has no interest
in being with her peers, talk to your pediatrician.
- Don't let your child shift responsibility
for everything bad to the friend. Saying that
the friend is the one responsible for a nightime
accident is okay. Blaming the friend for a string
of bank robberies isn't.
- Treat the friend with respect.
This means remembering his name, greeting him
when you meet, and apologizing when you sit
on him.
- Don't use the friend to manipulate
your child. That mean no comments like "Maggie
finished her dinner, why don't you finish yours?"
Most kids lose their imaginary
friends between their third and fifth birthdays.
Sometimes the friends are forgotten, sometimes
they're sent on a distantóand permanentótrip,
and other times they "die" in a horrible accident.
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Reprinted with permission from Armin
Brott, www.mrdad.com.
Armin Brott is the author of The New Father:
A Dad's Guide to the Toddler Years.
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